" What I Carry "

Dear Papa Blidy,

                        I am writing this letter to you as a form of closure. I need to get a few things off my chest that I have been holding in for quite a while now. It`s almost like I have this weight on my back and I am hoping that writing this letter to you will somehow take some of that weight off, although I feel as though I may be carrying it for the rest of my life. I think I am okay with that in some weird way though.

            Let me start off by saying that you were taken too soon, you and Nanny Tina both. I was always closer to you than Nanny, but I still don’t feel as though I had enough time with you. I remember little things here and there about coming to visit. I remember dad would to tell us how he would go to your house for lunch every day. I remember the smells of the apple pie Nanny would cook, and the chocolate chip cookies, and the rice pudding, and the red and green Jell-O, and the smell of the turkey we would always eat, and the stuffing, and the corn, and all the other smells that went along with our huge family meals. I remember all the laughs we would share around that little round table in your small crowded kitchen. Those aren’t the only things I remember; I carry them all.

            I remember the long dreadful rides that seemed to be hours on end to North Bergen when I was a kid.  After not living there for so long it seemed so much more like a city. I remember dad parallel parking next to your apartment and telling us to not open the doors on the side of the road, so we would all climb over each other to get out of the car, only to run up the stairs and barge into your apartment to find you and Nanny waiting for us patiently. It’s the little things I seem to remember, yet, it’s not enough; I carry this.  

            I remember how Britt and I would fight over that stupid, little, white, stool to see who was going to sit on it at dinner. I remember opening the window that led out to your roof and feeding the birds loaves of bread at a time. I remember the musical clowns that sat up on the wooden desk that you would love us to listen to while you would whistle to the beat. I remember sitting at that desk and writing you and Nanny letters that would be pinned to the fridge immediately after. Lastly, I remember the long car rides back home, and the wait until the next weekend. I carry this.

            The last time I saw you, you were in a hospital bed. After Nanny passed away, it was like we couldn’t convince you to fight anymore. You were so pale. You didn’t even know who any of us were. It was like I didn’t even know you the little bit that I actually had. Mom and dad had us kids leaving thinking we would see you again soon. Lies. I still feel I was too young to understand what was going to happen. I remember having to watch all our cousins with Britt, since we were the oldest, while everyone drove down to the hospital to see you. All our parents told us was that, “Papa wanted to see them, but it was too late for you kids to go so we were going to have a big sleepover.” I never believed them. Shortly after, we were told that you “went to heaven.” I knew it all along. I carry those lies and the truth that I kept a secret.

            I never really got to say goodbye. I was never able to tell you how much I loved you, and now how much I miss you calling me Brookie Cookie. I would do anything to go back and fight with Britt one last time over that stool, or hear you hum to those musical clowns you loved. I miss calling you Papa Superman. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about you or the memories we shared. I know dad misses you terribly by the way he always brings you up. I think that’s why it might hurt so badly for me, too because I know it hurts dad.  I wish you could have hung on for a little longer to the point where I would be old enough to know to strengthen our relationship and understand. We all miss you. This is my closure, Papa. Some weight is now lifted off my back, though I will carry the pain forever in my heart.

                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                Brookie Cookie

Capote Vocabulary Paper

Brooke Derin

Mrs. White

CPA English

Period 2

v     Impasse- (Page 84) – A position or situation from which there is no escape; deadlock

v     Elated- (Page 164) – Very happy or proud; jubilant; in high spirits

v     Egomania- (Page 173) – Psychologically abnormal

v     Erratic- (Page 241) – Deviating from the usual or proper course of conduct or opinion; eccentric; queer

v     Ensued- (Page 274) – To follow in order, come afterward, especially in immediate succession

v     Prevaricating- (Page 290) – To speak falsely or misleadingly; deliberately misstate or create an incorrect impression; lie

v     Innocuous- (Page 301) – Not harmful or injurious; harmless

v     Commodious- (Page 338) – Spacious and confinement; roomy

v     Emaciated- (Page 165) – To make abnormally lean or thin by a gradual wasting away of flesh

v     Uncongenial- (Page 217) – Agreeable, suitable, or pleasing in nature or character 

The word impasse is used when Nancy Clutter’s diary is being spoken about. In the diary, Nancy writes how her dad wants her and Bobby to stop being each with other so much and they should break up. Then they speak about the one thing that has nothing to do with the “Methodist- Catholic impasse”… the cat. The word is used to show how everything they do, all their decisions, and so on have to do with their church… except, Nancy’s cat, Boobs.

The word elated is used in between a conversation with Dewey and his wife. “His face was flushed, and she could tell that he was elated.” It is used to describe the expression on Dewey’s face when he is about to show his wife the good news about the finding out that Dick and Perry were the ones who had committed the murders of the Clutter family. He was proud and obviously happy that the case was starting to catch some fire.

The word egomania is used to describe Dick through the words of Perry. “…He thought how “queer” it was, “egomaniacal”. The word is used to say… how wrong is it that Dick was doing everything he possibly could to impress Mr. Clutter… when he was only going to kill him within the next few minutes. It just shows how Dick`s thinking is extremely off and not normal in any way.

The word erratic is used to describe the whole situation of how one of the killers had put one of the Clutters on a mattress before they killed them. “…Other fragmentary indications of ironic, erratic compassion, the detective had conjectured that at least one of the killers was not altogether uncharitable.”  It is used to describe how one of the killers might have had a little bit of compassion (although not normal), or heart, or whatever you

want to call it. Only it wasn’t normal, because yes, they make them comfortable for the moment… then end up killing them. Capote makes a decision to create this confliction of them and how they may have a heart there; yet, they still make the decisions they do with killing the family.

The word ensued is used when talking about the parent of Perry. He describes how his mother had men over when his father was away and when he came out they would fight and his father would beat his mom. “When he came home a fight ensued, and my father, after a violent struggle, threw the sailors out…” The word ensued tells us the order of the events that happened, one after the other.

The word prevaricating is used by Perry. He tells us how Dick made him seem like he was lying and making up information that wasn’t true about him and what had happened the night of the murder. “…Old Dewey made it sound like I was prevaricating- on account of Dick`s mother.”  It is used, to sum everything up, to show how Dick goes against Perry and says he’s lying about things that happened on that night.

The word innocuous is used to sum up the Clutter family. It is used to point out… why did Perry and Dick pick the Clutters to murder? They might have been targets for other things considering they were viewed as “the perfect family,’ but they never would have harmed anyone or anything. “…Unconscious motivation explains why the murderers perceived innocuous and relatively unknown victims as provocative…” So why did Perry and Dick target and murder them? They were harmless.

The word commodious is used to describe a man who was at the ceremony where Dick and Perry were both put to their deaths. It is used to describe how he had on a suit that was too big for his little figure. It gave his body a lot of room. It was not tightly fitted at all. “…was attired in an aged double-breasted pin-striped suit overly commodious for the narrow figure inside it…”

The word emaciated is used to describe the physical aspect of Dewey. It is used to show how the case, all the stress and worries, not sleeping, and so on had really taken a toll on his body. “His state of mind was bad; he was emaciated; and he was smoking sixty cigarettes a day.”  It describes how Dewey had become extremely skinny along with not being in the right state of mind, and still smoking cigarettes which didn’t make his physical appearance any better.

The word uncongenial is used to describe the relationship of Dick and Perry once they are places in their cells. Perry never liked to have everyone hear his business when he spoke to Dick, so they didn’t speak much while they were in their cells. The word is used to describe how they just had a civil relationship, they didn’t hate each other yet they were not talking all day every day in their cells.

-         Overall, Capote uses some interesting words in his novel In Cold Blood.  The words that I chose are words that were mostly used to describe someone or something. Defining the words helped to understand the meaning of the word in the sentence better, but also it really helped me to understand what was being described. The words fit nicely into the sentences and give each one a little spice. It offers the sentence a little more than just saying that someone was thin, or

harmful, or lying. Capote uses a lot of the words he does to make us, the readers, feel a certain way (Especially towards Perry and Dick). He has us feeling sympathy for them, then we dislike them for the things they do and say, then we feel like they could have a good side. He chooses a very conflicting situation with the reader’s feelings. I think Capote’s overall word choice helped make his novel be as entertaining, detailed, and the best it could be.

                                                    Works Cited

Capote, Truman. In http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cite Cold Blood. New York : Vintage Books , 1965. Print.

Collins English Dictionary – Complete & Unabridged 10th Edition. Haprer, Collins Publishers. 19 Feb. 2012. <Dictionary.com

Capote vs. In Cold Blood

Brooke Derin

Mrs. White

CP English- pd 2

2-9-12

                             Capote vs. In Cold Blood (hard cover)

In Capote’s non-fiction novel In Cold Blood we never hear of him himself being mentioned. We never even learn his name, who he is, or where he is from. Truman uses a third person limited point of view during his narrative. On the other hand, the film Capote, by Bennett Miller takes a different road. We learn Capote’s story of In Cold Blood through a first person point of view. Throughout the film Capote we experience a type of closeness and relationship with him through the first person point of view. The film and book should be both viewed and read in order for one to see the difference in the emotional attachments between Perry, Dewey and his family, and Truman.

During the movie we learn most of our information about Perry through Capote visiting him in his cell and his investigations. We watch how when Capote hears how Perry will officially be put to death, he breaks down to the point where he won’t answer or talk on the phone, not even to his best friend, Harper Lee. He would just lay in the hotel room bed sobbing in a daze. This scene shows us how attached he has become to Perry emotionally. In the book we see this emotional attachment through a few people, one being Ms. Meier. She speaks of Perry after he has been sentenced to the death penalty, “...I shut myself in the kitchen to keep from having to see him” (Capote 308). Although we do see the attachment with Truman, we see it through another character. We don’t see her sorrow in the movie towards Perry, but we see it in the book instead of seeing it from Capote himself who actually experienced it.  That’s not the only difference we see.

When reading, we don’t have as strong of a connection with Capote in his book. An outside source says, “Capote’s ambivalence about Smith and Hickock and the agonizing turmoil it wreaks on his life is the major plot line throughout the film” (Gibbons). This statement is completely true. The movie shows how close Capote becomes with Perry throughout this whole fiasco. Although Capote knows how much of a criminal Perry is and how cruel his actions were, he still becomes close when listening to his story and almost seems extremely sympathetic towards him. In the book we don’t see any of the characters become close with neither Perry or Dick on the level Truman does in the book.

The last huge difference between the movie and the book is the fact that in the movie, Capote and Harper Lee both become extremely close with Alvin Dewey and his family. Harper Lee is actually not even mentioned in the book In Cold Blood just as Capote is not, though she is a huge part in the movie and Truman’s best friend and partner during the investigating. Dewey, during In Cold Blood, speaks to his wife, “The name Clutter has to hit them like a hammer, a blow they never knew was coming” (Capote 213). Here we see how Dewey is talking to his family about everything involving Perry and Dick, but in the movie Dewey actually speaks to Lee and Truman as he and his family invite them over to dinner. The family acts as though they have known the two strangers for a while by welcoming them and treating them well in their home. The reader does not see the closeness between Dewey and the two writers, or the information they share, or the dinner scene. The reader does not come to realize how much Dewey actually made an impact on the both of them.

There are many differences between point of view In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, and the movie Capote by Bennett Miller. Although they both show great detail and suspense the movie brings readers closer to Truman. We never get to meet the great author through his book, where as in the movie we get to follow him through his journey with these two mysterious, yet almost friendly, killers.

Works Cited

Capote, Truman. In Cold Blood. New York : Vintage Books , 1965. Print.

Gibbons, Phil. “Capote vs. Capote .” FAIR . May First Technology Collective , n.d. Web. 9 Feb. 2012. <http://www.fair.org/‌index.php?page=2880>.

"The Things People do When Obsessed"

           Take the time to look and talk to people, and I can guarantee almost everyone would say they have at least one poem, book, movie, etc. that has greatly impacted their life. Whether the source influenced their lives in a positive or negative way, it’s amazing how people are so greatly impacted. The books The Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Star Trek, and Twilight, are all great examples of novels that have really impacted many people’s lives. 

The Catcher in the Rye had its biggest impact on the life of a man named Mark David Chapman. He related his own life to the story of Holden Caulfield’s. He was once quoted for saying, “I don’t think I ever hugged my father. He never told me he loved me. And he never said he was sorry – one of those guys” (Chapman). Holden didn’t have the strongest relationship with his mother and father, as did Chapman. The book actually influenced Chapman to take the life of someone he was obsessed with, John Lennon. He would recite lines from the book and sign things as if he himself were Holden Caulfield. He believed that Lennon had the secret to where the ducks go. When he was arrested, he was found on the sidewalk reading The Catcher in the Rye. Although his life wasn’t positively affected, Salinger’s novel had a huge impact on Chapman’s life, and on his victim.         

Next, Harry Potter! A young man completely obsessed with Harry Potter, he states, “I’m wasting my high school career away with Harry Potter” (Castlequill147). Unlike Chapman, the series isn’t taking over his life quite as seriously. Although he does make and sell wands, he doesn’t attempt to perform magic. He doesn’t have much of a social life for all he does it read and watch the Harry Potter books and movies. We may not think that this has a positive impact on his life, but he enjoys it, which relates to Chapman, but it doesn’t go as far as hearing people in his head and wanting to kill a person you are obsessed with. Not to say it doesn’t affect his life at all, because he has no social life.

Then there’s Star Trek.  This one takes a turn for the better. Here is a man who has been positively affected by the series. He explains, “…Looking back Star Trek has had an influence on my life both in terms of my interest in science, and in my moral values” (Edmonds). He would love using science to try and solve the problems that would occur, and before he knew it he had a career in science. This is total opposite of Chapman’s situation just for the fact that it positively affected his life and landed him a job he loved, and not in jail.

Last, but not least: Twilight. The life of a young teenage girl is affected by the books. She admits that, “In fact whenever my friends say that the books aren’t real I argue that they are!”(Anonymous).  Her story is similar to Chapman’s because she believes she is a vampire while Chapman thinks he’s Holden, which they are not. Their lives have both been influenced in a way that in their minds, they are something that they really aren’t. This girls obsession is a bit more unbelievable because most people don’t believe that vampires even exist.

As I mentioned earlier everyone is in some way affected by some piece of work. I actually spoke to my dad and he told me that a movie that influenced him was The Godfather. When I asked him why he didn’t really have a reason, but he said just because it really emotionally left him looking at the world a little differently. It really is amazing, but could be scary, how works like this can really impact one’s life.

Works Cited

Edmonds, Michael. “Star Trek - Inspiration and Obsession.” SciBlogs. Science Media Centre, 15 May 2011. Web. 29 Dec. 2011. <http:/‌sciblogs.co.nz/‌molecular-matters/‌2011/‌05/‌15/‌star-trek-inspiration-and-obsession/>.

“I am Obsessed with Twilight.” Experience Project. N.p., 2011. Web. 2 Dec. 2011. <http:/‌www.experienceproject.com/‌stories/‌Am-Obsessed-With-Twilight/‌789871>.

“It Even Worries me a Little Bit..” Experience Project. N.p., 2011. Web. 29 Dec. 2011. <http:/‌www.experienceproject.com/‌stories/‌Am-Obsessed-With-Harry-Potter/‌1968337>.

Stashower, Daniel. “On First Looking Into Chpaman`s Holden:Speculations on a Murder.” The American Scholar. Phi Beta Kappa, 2012. Web. 1 Jan. 2011. <http://theamericanscholar.org/‌on-first-looking-into-chapmans-holden-speculations-on-a-murder/>.

Universal Teenager

In the book "The Catcher In The Rye" by J.D. Salinger, the main character Holden is a universal teenager. He does things that I do, that my classmates do, and that teenagers all over the world would do. There is one example in the beginning of the book that sticks out to me a lot. Holden is visiting his old teacher, Spencer. Spencer talks to Holden about getting kicked out of Pencey and asks him if he ever even opened his history book. His answer was, "Well I sort of glanced through it a couple of times,"(Salinger 11). I hear this response all the time from kids in school. They don`t do their homework then when the teacher asks if they read it they say something along the lines of "well kind of" just to make it look better and not hurt the teachers feelings... just like Holden is doing with Spencer. 

There is another example of Holden being a universal teenager towards the end of the book. He has no where else to sleep and ends up sleeping in a waiting room. A little while after he wakes up he ends up picking up a magazine that someone left on the bench next to him. He tells us, "But this damn article I started reading made me feel almost worse. It was all about hormones. It described how you should look, your face and eyes and all, if your hormones were in good shape, and I didn`t look that way at all,"(Salinger 195). Usually during the teenage years kids have trouble with their appearance, or they see things in magazines and think that they need to look like that or something is wrong with them or they`re not good enough if they don`t loook like that. For example when girls see the tall, skinny, blonde, models that wight 100 pounds and try to look like them to fit in and feel pretty.  Holden is just being a universal teenager by thinking that there is something wrong with him because he doesn`t look like the man in the article. Its a typical universal teenager,

OFOTCN Kesey vs. Film

The book One Flew Over the Cuckoo`s Nest by Ken Kesey was also made into a movie which was directed by Forman. I believe that there are a few main differences between the book and the movie, which leads me to believe why Kesey did not approve of the film when compared to his book. "Kesey has been quoted as saying that he has never watched Forman's rendition and sued the producers because the rewriting of the screenplay, and especially the narration, not being told from the eyes of the Chief was one factor that Kesey couldn't understand" (International Writers Magazine). Not only do they not see it from Chief`s view, but the  way that Nurse Ratched is Portrayed is totally wrong.

In the book she is reffered to as "The Big Nurse. "They make her seem as though she is a a big stocky lady who everyone is afraid of and she gets mad extremely easy and blow up. "She`s going to tear the black bastrads limb from limb, she`s so furious. She`s swelling up, swells till her back`s splitting out the white uniform ans she`s let her arms section out long enough to wrap around the three of them five, six times"(Kesey 5). In the movie the nurse is portrayed as a skinny tall nurse that`s not "big" in any way. She has a cool and calm temper. You can tell the difference in the scene where she walks into the ward the night after the boys had their let loose with Mac. She is very calm and just asks the security guard to check and see where everyone is and to shut the window. When she founds out where Billy is she calmly says she will have to tell his mom. In the book she would have got red and been ready to tear someone apart(McMurphy). There are more than just those two differences in the book and movie which proves why Kesey didn`t approve of the movie.

URL - http://www.hackwriters.com/oneflew.htm
Name-Hackwriters.com
Published-1999 2005

Mac Vs. The Nurse

In Ken Kinsey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest he has created two extremely powerful characters who seem to be in a battle for top dog throughout the book. It’s a battle between the Big Nurse who has had control over the ward for many years, and McMurphy who is the new patient in town. "She knows what they been saying, and I can see she's furious clean out of control. She's going to tear the black bastards limb from limb, she's so furious. She's swelling up, swells till her back's spitting out the white uniform and she's let her arms section out long enough to wrap around the three of them five, six times," (Kesey 4-5). From the beginning of the book you get the impression that the Nurse has complete and the utmost control. As you continue to read you realize McMurphy is really the one with all the control.                                                                                                

      In my eyes the patients and some other doctors are afraid of the Nurse. McMurphy, they see him as a leader as the story goes on. McMurphy has more power because of the way he “gets under the skin” of the nurse and how he makes the other patents smile and follow him. “I figure, you see, buddy, to be sort of the gambling baron on this ward, deal a wicked game of blackjack. So you better take me to your leader and we’ll get it straightened out whose gonna be boss around here,” (Kesey 19). Already he is taking control of the patients. But before you know it they are looking to him as a leader and as the story continues he’s still continuing to push the nurse and bring out her worst. He`s on a mission to prove to her she does not have all the power. I have a feeling McMurphy will win this fight with his manipulating ways in the long run.